Hell has been a word to describe war and battle a million times over.
There is NO one word to describe the battle that unfolded on my kitchen table a few nights ago.
I’ll do my best to recall the horrors and triumphs of said battle but, please my friends, go easy on me as I am weary from refereeing/overseeing the carnage that took place.
Commissar Garrett, also known as The Wolf, had taken command of a three squad detachment with Russ after Captain Velkman had been disintegrated four days prior when he, stupidly, sat on a landmine.
The Cadian Detachment was on a recon mission on a hollow half moon called Nebulet VII. Apart from the landmine incident there had been nothing to report and Garrett was almost starting to think it was time to pack up and leave. They made camp in an old ruined Manor and Garrett sat quietly sipping his hot ice and whiskey. It was a frosty night but he knew his men would stay sharp, while he was awake at least.
Garrett’s eyelids were just starting to feel heavy when a call came from a sentry manning a makeshift watch tower.
“Movement on the North Horizon.”
Garrett climbed the, decaying, steps of the Manor for a better view through the destroyed open roof and sure enough he saw black silhouettes moving slowly but with intent along the dim horizon.
“Forward… Slow… Slllrrrp, gubble… We… spit… We don’t want to alert them too soon. Our motors will… slpurrt… bubble… will soon tear open the silent night and scare them to death.” Lord Pestilence whispered to his Nurgle Warriors. They were his most loyal and trusted six followers. Each loved him, worshiped him and would die for him.
Reluctantly, Pestilence called out to the Blood Rain Cultists too. “Steady my friends…Sluuurp.” He had been forced to hire the blood crazed heretic soldiers because he was far from home and could not summon his own mighty March Of The Flies War-band. These blood lusting lunatics were plentiful but, Lord Pestilence feared, could just be human shields which, of course, wasn’t all bad. They did have one thing, actually three things, which should prove invaluable on the battlefield. Motors of old. A rusted truck, a shiny yellow speed demon and a black shiny devil. All three vehicles will surely come in handy Pestilence thought.
“Orders sir?”Lt Drummond of Red Squad asked? He was a good decade older than Garrett and, at first, found it difficult to like the man but now had a very deep respect for him. “Take your squad and line that old trench system twenty feet yonder. You will be our first line of defense. Don’t break. I’ll keep white squad to our right flank and yellow squad will be at arms length to me.” Garrett replied.
“What of the Russ Sir Commissar?” Drummond asked quizically. Garrets thin lips creased into what could almost be mistaken for a smile and said, “He’s our offensive.”
– Capture The Wolf –
Cadians face off with the approaching Chaos army.
Motors whir and Cultists cry out with excitement.
The Russ sets its gun range.
The attack came fast and hard but at least the Guard new what was coming. Red squad opened fire with their lastifles on the approaching three vehicles and at first had little on the threat. Then the Russ trundled into range and fired off two shells at the Cultists truck. The first shell ricochet off and landed in the sand without exploding at all. The second was a direct hit which disabled the truck and killed four of the Cultists on board. For good measure the Russ fired again at the survivors of the truck wreckage and three of the last four went down in an explosion of sand blood and gore.
LOOK OUT… A GIANT… biro??
The yellow hot rod gunned for Red Squads trench while the black interceptor rammed and then mounted a sandbag position that a few of white Squads troopers manned. One of the poor souls was crushed under the weight of the roaring black metal machine. Something large and sharp must have pierced the engine bay of the interceptor as it suddenly found itself immobile. White squad guardsmen opened fire on it managing to kill the passenger. The driver gunned the engine even more and suddenly the muscle car dislodged and ploughed into another two guardsmen killing them.
Meanwhile Lord Pestilence ordered his Nurgle Warriors to hold their ground on their own line while he galloped off towards the enemy. Lord Pestilence was known for his eagerness for battle and blood.
The Russ fired a volley of shots at the yellow hot rod and missed five times but then managed to damage it and even kill two of its occupants. However this only seemed to fuel the drivers intent. He slowly, purposefully and skilfully drove up and into the trench line and rolled over guardsman after guardsman. Behind the wheel was a mad cultist called “Crazy Moloko” and he laughed like a maniac when he heard the screams of Red squad as they disappeared under his wheels. A brave guardsman ran up to the side of the Rod and fired in killing the passenger but then the car drove over him and the rest of squad.
Garrett watched all this unfold and didn’t move. A yellow squad trooper beside him shook unctrollably and Garrett had to do everything he could to not shoot the coward.
The rest of white squad took up position on the left flank and just moments later Lord Pestilence charged into them swinging his death bells. He took down guardsman after guardsman. A couple of the soldiers fired up at the Lord mounted on his white steed but their shots were wild. Lord Pestilence chuckled to himself behind his helm at the quivering troops. He slashed one mans throat wide open with a single swipe of his long bony fingers.
Soon 90% of white squad was annihilated and the Nurgle Lord moved on towards the Russ Tank and Yellow squad.
The tank fired again at the yellow hot rod and finally managed to destroy it but Crazy Moloko rolled out to safety. He then jumped up onto the wreckage of the car and screamed. This seemed to prompt his cultist brothers in reserve to start marching forward. Half a dozen of them started making their way to join the battle lead by Giggles The Diddler!!
Crazy Moloko screams for his cultist brothers to join him.
The tank fired at Pestilence and wounded him. It fired again and hit him hard again. Yellow squad opened fire on the evil Lord too and finally he fell. Then one more final shell from the Russ whistled through the rain and hit Pestilence in the chest killing him. Unfortunately the explosion also blew up the guards watch tower killing a sentry.
Crazy Moloko made a run for the tank and took control of it.
Garrett shouted at a guardsman inside the Manor to go to the tank. The guardsman bolted and made it. He killed Moloko and flung his body out of the tank.
Then Giggles made it to the tank and climbed up onto it. He killed the new driver easily then turned the machine around and started heading straight for Garrett.
“Here they come, the final push. Hold steady men.” Garrett called.
Meanwhile the six Nurgle Warriors did something quite unexpected and honourable. They formed a circle, then struck out at the comrade to their left with a blade. All six fell as one. They’d sacrificed their own lives to bring back Lord Pestilence.
As it started to rain Lord Pestilence and his ghoulish white stallion slowly stood, reborn and more twisted than ever before. He cantered into the Manor killing the few guardsmen in the ground floor. Garrett still did not retreat or even move.
The Cultists were under strict orders to take Garrett alive. Giggles struggled with orders at the best of times and wanted nothing more than to blow Garrett apart with his own Leman Russ. Instead he climbed down from the tank and then mounted the stairs and strode right up to Garrett. Finally, Garrett moved and aimed his side arm plasma at Giggles insanely smiling face and blew the madman’s head apart.
Despite Lord Pestilences supreme skills in war and on the battlefield it seems he’s not so good at climbing stairs. In frustration he stood just below Garretts position and screamed abuse at his adversary.
The remaining members of yellow squad opened fire on the Cultists and at Lord Pestilence but had no luck. Then, one by one, they were shot dead. Another cultist climbed into the tank and fired at the wall below Garrett. It collapsed with Garrett, and the body of Giggles, falling with it. The Commissar raised his weapon but it misfired. It was over and he knew it.
Pestilence captured the Wolf.
It was a fun game to watch unfold. Even though I hoped to see my new Nurgle warriors in action it was pretty cool how they committed suicide to raise their Dead Lord. Lord Pestilence kicked arse but it made me chuckle when he couldn’t mount the stairs haha.
The Cultist infantry seemed to hold back, apart from a few iconic heroes who, in my opinion really helped win the game.
The Guard held the line as best they could but it was their Leman Russ that did the most damage on the day. Kudos to the tank crew.
The stand out for me were the two cars. The truck was out of action pretty quickly but the cars deciding to simply drive over the guard squads was funny, a superb strategy and gory. – Note: I will be scratching, sanding, painting and weathering the cars to look more apocalyptic and Mad Max-ish.
I hope you enjoyed the report.