The Last Porg – A Last Jedi Review with NO SPOILERS.

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Porgs.

They’re cute.

They have big eyes.

They are furry.

They make cute little noises.

They are cuddly and funny and…

THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN MY STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!

Much like this guy…

jar-jar-binks

PORGS are a ridiculous addition to the Star Wars universe.

Sure I’d like one for the kids but if I was ever left alone with it I’d force it to watch the following movies:

Hostel.

The Strangers.

Texa Chainsaw Massacre.

Martyrs.

NOW, speaking of movies this Porg thing has a striking resemblance to this little critter.

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Surely we have enough big doe eyed cats on YouTube to last us a life time o why do we need to lace something as sacred as Star Wars with such cute little pricks?

To be honest I did laugh at the Porgs a little, especially when Chewie was going to ……. one he’d ……………. (Haha I told you no spoilers!)

Ok let’s get serious.

I went and saw The Last Jedi today, by myself, yep all my mates let me down haha. I do have friends I promise.

Anyway so off I trot on my own to see the next Epic Star Wars instalment. I was pretty excited. Just as excited as I was the first time I watched Return Of The Jedi. I was a little concerened when two middle aged ladies sat on either side of me. Each of these ladies had a small gaggle of children aged from 7 – 12. My concerns were soon put to rest when one of the little kids piped up about wanting a bigger box of popcorn and the Mother whispered, “Eat what you’ve got, be quiet or you can go wait in the car while I watch star wars.” YES!!!! I felt like hugging this lady.

As soon as the LucasFilm logo came up the audience was hushed. Then thos beautiful blue words hit the screen and then DEEEEERRRRRRNNNNNN The music and icon star wars logo blasted onto the screen. I’m sure at this point that a little bit of wee escaped me. I bloody love star wars.

I’ve got to say that the opening scenes to this movie are some of the best in the whole franchise. I wont say too much but Poe is a man after my own heart and a fantastic character for this new trilogy. The movie was off to flying start and my heart was racing.

The pace was nice and intense.

Then the whole “Luke and Rey” thing came in to play and for a good chunk of the middle section of this film I was, I can’t believe I’m saying this, a little bored. I even… gulp… nearly and I stress NEARLY nodded off. I should mention that I had a very late night where copious amounts of beer was consumed so that may have played a part in my drowziness haha.

During this middle section more weird and NOT funny creatures were introduced. The best way I can explain them are like shell-less tortoises dressed like a wench straight out of Black Adder II.

The only thing I liked about the middle section of the movie was seeing Mark as Luke again. MH nailed the Lukeness (good and bad Lukeness0 but also mixed in some old Ben Kenobi too.

The last third of the movie felt like a Star Wars movie again. More intense and emotional and it had a nice simplicity to it. The ending was GREAT. Nuff said.

Some brief (NON spolier) Pro’s and Con’s.

PROS:

Luke is back and just as weird but cool.

The Red Guards. COOL.

Snoke (Stupid name) but I wouldn’t say that to his FACE. You’ll see.

Some, very old, space ship skimmer type machines.

The mid air space battles.

R2D2 and his old master.

Kylo Ren is just as dark and twisted.

This next one is a Pro and Con:

Seeing Carrie Fisher brought a lump to my throat. Obviously her last movie.

CONS:

I wont say exactly what happens but theres something that Princess Leia does that just didn’t carry off very well. It was cheap and cheesy. You’ll know what I mean when you see it.

Porgs.

Most of the middle section of this movie.

Bit too formulaic. It feels exactly like the second movie in a trilogy.

In conclusion I did enjoy the movie but probably not as much as I enjoyed The Force Awakens. Now that could be because it had been a long time between movies from Revenge of the Sith to Episode VII and I was just so pumped to get a SW fix haha.

It was definitely a fun ride but with a stop over in Slowsville half way through.

I’d love to hear what you think?

Next Year it’s the Han Solo story whoop Whoop!

Below is my list of Star Wars Films in Order of favourite to least favourite.

First let me say that the whole thing is just so bloody cool even the crappier movies still play their part.

  1. Return of the Jedi
  2. The Empire Strikes Back
  3. New Hope
  4. Rogue One
  5. The Force Awakens
  6. The Last Jedi
  7. Revenge of the Sith
  8. Attack of the Clones
  9. and the other one hahahaha. The Phantom Menace

Cheers

IRO

 

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28 thoughts on “The Last Porg – A Last Jedi Review with NO SPOILERS.”

  1. Oh No! Last post I find out your name’s not IRO! Now I find your mum’s not MIRO! The world’s gone crazy! But at least there are still good films! Thanks for sharing, like the wit!
    I have to rate “A New Hope” tops, since when I first saw it, it was THE Star Wars film (old git alert)! I still don’t understand “The Phantom Menace” but the pod race is brilliant!
    Cheers,
    John

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I always thought he was Darth Maul, but Darth Moll sounds a far more interesting character! He does indeed feature in the “Clone Wars” animated series, which is worth watching – Anakin is a more believable character and it’s altogether a bit more gritty than the films!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph where was my head when I wrote moll instead of maul? It could have been worse I could have said Daft Mall. Been to a few of those. I feel like my brain is occupied enough with Star Wars movies let alone the toons as well. Maybe one day though. Maybe when I’m eating meals intravenously… again

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha. I know it’s controversial but I stand by it dammit! Luke is no longer a whimpering little git in ROTJ. He’s bad arse. We see more of my fave character, Mr Fett, even though he dies. We see Princess Leia in that wonderful costume and the forest fight/battle is one of the best. Maybe not as cool as the battle on Hoth but still up there.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Enjoyed the review! I need to see it – been waiting for the theater crowds to thin a bit.

    I also enjoy that you periodically reference Martyrs on this blog haha. It’s a dark and gory movie that I bizarrely love, and you’re like the only other person I know who even knows of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah the crowds were annoying but at the same time it’s all part of the buzz for me. Like shopping. I can’t stand shopping but I do enjoy Christmas shopping on my own with the buzz of festive-ness in the air hehe. Martyrs is great because it’s almost too much horror for my brain to absorb. It’s intense and I generally only watch it a couple of times each year. More than that and I think I’d need a straight jacket hehe. Let me know what you think of Ep 8 man.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Saw it this afternoon. Nice to have my head elsewhere (in Star Wars) for a few hours, and now I can use the internet without worrying about spoilers everywhere.
    It was decent, but it felt very formulaic. Lots of (almost) subtle nods to moments and scenes from previous films, but it also felt very much like the hand of marketing played as much a part as any of the actors. The Porgs, the Blackadder Wenches and… We’ll call it BB-8’s coin-friendly friend all felt overly-cutesy, silly and out of place, but then so did the mounts and the dogs. Gotta sell those stuffed toys! At least none of them were as intrusive as Jar-Jar or even the Ewoks.
    Not sure exactly where I place it in the overall – either before or after TFA, but I put Rogue One above both of them, with only ESB and ANH above R1…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am not ashamed to admit that I love the porgs. I have a weakness for cute things, and porgs remind me of what would happen if a puffin and a pug had a baby and I’m absolutely loving it. If they take all the porgs out of the Star Wars universe I volunteer myself to open a porg sanctuary and all those adorable doe-eyed little babies can come live with me. 😛
    That said, I loved the movie. ❤ It made me feel all the things I want to feel watching a SW movie. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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